Sir Smasham Uppe
Have fun with the poem by trying this...
This is a funny, dramatic poem that can stand up to quite an over the top performance! It is a monologue where the speaker is talking to a guest who keeps breaking things.
Please don't smash things while you recite it. We don’t want you to get into trouble and it would be a big distraction from the poem! Instead, think about the dramatic gestures you could use every time something is broken in the poem. Sound effects might also be good, especially if you can work on this with somebody else.
What about the speaker's voice? Do you think it should stay the same each time something breaks, or should it change?
Good afternoon, Sir Smasham Uppe !
We’re having tea : do take a cup !
Sugar and milk ? – Now let me see –
Two lumps, I think? . . . Good gracious me !
The silly thing slipped off your knee !
Pray don’t apologize, old chap :
A very trivial mishap!
So clumsy of you ? How absurd !
My dear Sir Smasham, not a word !
Now do sit down and have another,
And tell us all about your brother –
You know, the one who broke his head.
Is the poor fellow still in bed ? –
A chair – allow me, sir ! . . . Great Scott !
That was a nasty smash ! Eh, what ?
Oh, not at all : the chair was old –
Queen Anne, or so we have been told.
We’ve got at least a dozen more :
Just leave the pieces on the floor.
I want you to admire our view :
Come nearer to the window, do ;
And look how beautiful . . . Tut, tut !
You didn’t see that it was shut ?
I hope you are not badly cut !
Not hurt ? A fortunate escape !
Amazing ! Not a single scrape !
And now, if you have finished tea,
I fancy you might like to see
A little thing or two I’ve got.
That china plate ? Yes, worth a lot :
A beauty too . . . Ah, there it goes !
I trust it didn’t hurt your toes ?
Your elbow brushed it off the shelf ?
Of course : I’ve done the same myself.
And now, my dear Sir Smasham – Oh,
You surely don’t intend to go ?
You must be off ? Well, come again
So glad you’re fond of porcelain !